Enjoy

Last weekend we went to a restaurant that should have been named Cliche Cafe.  From arrival to departure, we were assaulted by all too common industry actions and phrases that must have originated in a Saturday Night Live skit -- but misguided restaurateurs regard as gospel.



Cabbage Rose Tattoos are De Rigueur



As my partner and I walked up to the host stand, the pretty young thing behind it (platinum blonde, diamond nose ring, black halter dress, cabbage rose shoulder tattoo) looked up blankly, then smiled and queried "two for dinner?"  As we were the only ones standing in the entry and it was 8:30 p.m., I would have thought this somewhat self-evident, but I nodded to confirm her astute observations.

Following her through the restaurant to be seated, I noticed how precariously she traveled on 6-inch stilettos. As we stepped from the front dining room through an archway to the adjacent room, she gestured at an imaginary line in the floor, glancing back at us as she alerted us to "watch our step."  I was confused because there was no threshold or change in grade, it was just walking on a flat, carpeted floor.  I stumbled a tiny bit so as to justify the warning.



Dawson Off Duty



By this time, I just knew our server was going to be a skinny hipster in black plastic eyeglasses and possibly a fedora.  (Ding ding ding!  I win $100!)  Introducing himself as Dawson, he assured us he would be "taking care of" us tonight.  This phrase is so ambiguous!  A nurse "takes care of" you, a hit man "takes care of" you, but a server in a restaurant?  Is he planning on coddling me or my eggs?





As Dawson tends to our menu distribution and preprandial beverage needs, I notice he is holding his other arm in the position I call Waiter Arm. Hold your right arm close to your body, and then bend your elbow so your wrist is almost touching your shoulder.  Now clench your hand and bend your wrist so your  palm is facing straight out.  It is a completely useless and terribly popular stance for servers.  It reminds me of a snippy French garcon in an old cartoon.

After describing the specials that "chef has prepared just for you" Dawson writes down our selections and departs, but not before declaring that he'll turn the order into the kitchen.  Huh?  Wouldn't it be more efficient to put it under a scarf in the cloak room, or stick it in the pocket of a departing guest?

When Dawson sailed out of the kitchen twenty minutes later and grandly placed our dishes in front of us, he asked if we would cut into them to make sure they were cooked properly.  This was confusing because we had ordered salad and pasta, but we did as instructed while he shined a little penlight onto our plates, helping us to ascertain correct doneness.  Gleeful that all was well, he backed away from the table with a flourish and uttered the inevitable one word departing server catch phrase.  Come on, say it with me: 

"Enjoy."