Don't Try This At Home

Ugly Is As Ugly Does

I like to cook.  I like trying new recipes and changing up old ones.  Using my imagination, I experiment and let my sense of smell and taste and touch go a little crazy. Usually, my stuff comes out pretty good to even really great (although woefully lacking any exuberant praise or feedback save
plates so clean we just stick 'em back in the cabinet unwashed.) Woefully, a few of my experiments are total failures, and are shamefully swept into the Closet of Feeble Attempts and politely never mentioned again.

Case Study:  Herb Crusted, Roasted Filet Mignon with Israeli Cous Cous and Balsamic Glaze.
Sounds like it came right off a modern restaurant menu, right?  I'd probably order it, but I'd certainly never make it again.  I must have been distracted by the voices bickering in my head while I was preparing it because it was the definition of awful. The meat tasted a little off, like I'd seasoned it with old foot powder instead of a light sprinkle of Herbes de Provence.  The Cous Cous was sticky and chewy and the Balsamic Glaze tasted like artificially sweetened, coffee-flavored cough syrup. I tried foisting it off on the dogs, but after sniffing at it suspiciously, they both backed away from their bowls, muttering canine curse words and giving me the stink eye.

Cottage Cheese slathered on rye bread, dipped in egg, and griddled is not a good idea, trust me on this.  Don't try to make homemade tamales if your ethnicity is solidly German and English. They will taste like pot roast wrapped in raw tortillas.  If you didn't learn to make corned beef and cabbage at your mother's knee when you were just a wee little tyke, don't create it for the first time in your life for an impromptu St. Patrick's Day party. It will stink up the house and your guests will find reasons to leave immediately. And honestly, there is nothing I can say to excuse the mess I called Tater Tot Nachos.  They were kind of like those awful Canadian poutines but worse and they haunt me to this day.

But fear not, I always shake it off and try try again.  Tonight we are having Grilled Pork Chops with Nectarine Salsa.  I put the salsa together last night so it could gentrify in the refrigerator all day and the combo of the diced fruit with onions, tomatoes, kosher salt, cumin and fresh squeezed lime juice tasted fantastic.  And I am positive it will be better than what I was considering:

Meatloaf Baby in Bacon Diaper