Outside the Bubble

I think of myself as a sophisticated, urban guy, who is passionately into the Dallas dining scene.  (Your first clue might have been the title of this blog.) I'm the guy people go to for info when they want to take a date/client/friend/fatal attraction to a hip little spot that's newish and trendy.  They know that chances are, I've just been there.

I say this with some degree of self-mockery because in a restaurant crazy city like Dallas it is practically impossible to stay truly plugged in. (We have more restaurants per capita than any other city in America including New York, Chicago, and San Francisco.  We also have the most shopping.  I believe this is due to our complete lack of any topographical points of interest like mountains and beaches and rivers and forests,  so therefore we have nothing to do but eat and shop. And go to Friday night high school football games.  But I digress.)

Living two miles from downtown, the sheer density of chic dining options available to me within fifteen minutes by car (that's another thing we lack--walking) is astounding. There's been an explosion of small, chef-driven restaurants around here in recent years fashioned from reclaimed tile factories and vintage store fronts.  They're all excitingly creative and share the current fashion of the One Word Name.  (I believe when the economy returns we might become a tad less parsimonious and allow two or even three words when naming restaurants--but for now frugality rules.)

Since all of my comestible and hip factor requirements can be met in and around the city's core, I rarely venture beyond the loop unless I am driving to the airport or speeding up the tollway for large quantities of household cleaning products from Costco.  So imagine my surprise when I found myself sitting in a huge, suburban, chain restaurant last Saturday night and actually liking it.

This gigantic place was called BJ's Brewhouse and it was absolutely jammed at 8:30. The perky blonde hostess at the door smiled charmingly and said "Welcome to BJ's". I think she actually meant it. Our even perkier server (also blonde) was named Albany or Cheyenne or some other city and she was informed, efficient, and funny.  The menu had at least 248 pages with whole sections devoted to pizzas, burgers, sandwiches, salads, soups, pasta, giant stuffed potatoes, entrees, desserts, crafted beers, and funky food for kids. There was one part of the menu that was "Enlightened" (meaning more healthful and under 500 calories.) I chose from those offerings and ordered Thai Chicken Mango Salad with jicama, red bell peppers, red onions, mixed baby field greens, arugula, and bibb lettuce tossed in citrus-chili dressing and topped with a slice of avocado, mint, green onions, and sesame won ton strips.  It was astonishingly good and stupidly cheap.

My mother always said typical site-seeing tourist traps were swarming with people because they were the most interesting places to begin with.  I am going to apply my mom's logic to dining establishments and travel outside the bubble on occasion to where the masses like to gather.  I will no longer be a downtown dining snob.  I shall cease dismissing all chain restaurants as vast bastions of mediocrity. I will open my mind and my mouth and my wallet to the possibilities that cost efficient deliciousness might lie beyond the pale.

And next time someone asks me where they should go to celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary I'm going to tell them Chili's.

Life Is A Banquet, and Most Fools are Starving to Death --Auntie Mame

Recently, I was interviewed about our off-premise catering company, Food Glorious Food.  I was somewhat astonished that people knew so little about catering and/or had these vague impressions of Mexican themed buffets with bandanna napkins and tortilla chips in sombreros. So I thought today's blog post could be a recap of that discussion for those of you yearning to know the inside scoop on what it's like to be the top catering company in Dallas.

Q. How early should I start looking for a caterer and planning my event?
A. Well since you are talking to me then you have already found your caterer.  Depending on the size and scope of your event, three or four months prior is usually sufficient.  However, we have booked, planned, and produced a fabulous wedding reception in less than two weeks before. (Not recommended.)

Q. How is off-premise catering different than regular catering?

Keep Him Away from the Sterno

A. It is like the difference between peeling an apple in your back pocket with nail clippers and knocking over a glass of milk.  Regular caterers just take stuff out of the fridge and pop it in the oven and then haul it out to the ballroom.  Off-premise caterers have to prep the food in their commissary, place it on rolling stock in containers that maintain healthful temperatures, load the vans with everything required for the event (including ladles, salt and pepper shakers, blow torches, back up plans, and duct tape), drive to the destination, build a field kitchen to finish cooking and then serve the food with warmth and panache, all the while making it look easy and fun.  Off-premise teams are the Chuck Norrises of the catering world.

Q. I have found a menu in a magazine that I want at my next party. Can you do that?

A. Probably. But we think you should set up a planning meeting with one of our catering directors who make it their business to be ahead of trends.  Chances are, if you've read it in a magazine others have too, and your guests might end up attending two parties with identical food.  That’s kind of like showing up at a formal dance wearing the same dress as your sorority sister.

Q. I am gluten-intolerant. Do you offer anything I can eat?
A. We can accommodate any special dietary requests— we've catered vegan weddings, Goth engagement parties, canine soirees, you name it.  The only thing we refuse to do is remove green M & Ms at the request of demanding rock bands.  We are an equal opportunity candy provider.

Q. How far do you go?
A. We've traveled to San Antonio and Midland, Texas this year to produce exquisite events.  There are additional charges for transportation costs and hotel accommodations but we’re so worth it.


Q. Do you do tastings? 

Challah Back Boys

A. Tastings are one of those urban myths like Big Foot and New York Sewer Alligators.  We think it is more fun to invite you to visit a real event we are catering and taste their food.  (We have you come early and we do it in the kitchen--we’re not all Wedding Crashers about it or anything.) 

 Q. Do you sell alcohol in packages or by consumption?

A. We recommend packages as the best way to go.  You can budget for an exact amount instead of stressing when the final reckoning is done at the end of the party when all you really want to do is take off your shoes and go to bed with your clothes on.  Your guests have unlimited beverages for a specified amount of time, and you don’t have to chase after people who leave behind half a glass of wine to do the chicken dance yelling "Hey!  You just wasted $7 of my hard-earned cash!"

Q. Why are Mashed Potato Martini Bars hated by all top shelf caterers?
A. Number one, the year 1992 called and wants them all back.  Number two, because they are the root of all evil and must be destroyed.  It is rumored the Mayans were dining on MPMBs when they created their infamous calendar.

Q. What’s your favorite party you've ever booked?

 A. Your next one.

Q. What is the smallest party you will cater?
A. We once catered a dinner for two.  It was for a gentleman who was popping the question to his lady.  That dinner cost more than the ring.  Just sayin’.

Q. What is the largest party you have ever catered?
A. We catered an outdoor cocktail party for 10,000 one time, and we catered the “wedding of the century’ for a local socialite for 750 seated guests in a 35,000 s.f. tent.  That one was five courses, all synchronized service. 

Q. What the heck is synchronized service?
A. That’s when eight servers hand-carrying two plates each approach a table and set them on a swanky decorated table simultaneously.  We make our service teams practice for hours using empty plates to get it exactly right.  When we feel ornery we make them wear tights.

Q. What words of advice can you give to an aspiring off-premise caterer?
A. Run the other way! Seriously, it is really hard work.  But it is also creative, and magical and fun.  You can never plan too much and you should take nothing for granted.  Check lists are your friends.  Have a rain plan, a flood plan, a tornado plan and a power outage plan. Sweat the small stuff.  Carry aspirin in your backpack.  Be nice.  Don’t ever agree to Mashed Potato Martini Bars.  Drink your milk, it does a body good.

Just Say No







Black Tie Blue Print



Puttin' On The Ritz

 Last Saturday night we attended a black tie charity function that was really fun.  I know some people look forward to donning  A tuxedo, studded shirt, and shiny shoes about as much as a trip to the dentist, but I kind of like it.  It's fun getting all gussied up and seeing your friends and acquaintances decked out in their versions of finery while sipping champagne and chatting about art, commerce, and each other.

That being said, I realized amidst the revelry how much alike these gala events always are.  Being in the food business, I've worked about the same number of black tie events as I have attended, and have been on both sides of the planning table--sometimes as a caterer and sometimes as a committee member.  And here's the deal:  Every year the ball chair wants to make his or her event the most special, memorable, unique, and talked about in the history of their organization.  And every year the event is exactly the same as the one the year before.

The general outline is as follows:

1. Early VIP Reception and Photo Opps with Key Note Speaker for those who gave the most money. 
2. One Hour Cocktail Reception with (very few) passed hors d'oeuvres (just-one-bite sized so no drops in the decolletage or crumbles in the cummerbund) during a Silent Auction of art, furniture, trips, home and personal services, and designer dog beds. 
3. Many calls to dinner, usually with chimes, that become increasingly strident as the guests continue to linger and converse and refuse to sit down. 
4. Pre-set first course (Tossed Green Salad with Lavosh and some kind of novel inclusion like Pomegranate Seeds or Goat Cheese with Spiced Pecans) and the Pouring of the (donated) Wines. 
5. An Introduction of an Award Recipient by the Gala Chairs, followed by shout outs to the major donors. (See item 1). 
6. A Four-ounce Filet Mignon cooked medium, paired with either a) Chilean Sea Bass or b) Two Grilled Prawns, alongside a) Asparagus or b) Haricots Verts, with a) Potatoes Dauphinoise or b) Herbed Risotto. 
7. Some kind of Chocolate Dessert.  (For years it was Molten Lava Cake but thankfully that fad finally cooled).
8. Seemingly endless Live Auction of Luxury Items which are completely out of price range for everyone except for the 1% in the room (Item 1 redux).
9. Stirring Key Note Address.
10. Staggered Silent Auction Closing times along with Drinks and Dancing.
11. An unexpectedly drunken reveler or two misbehaving in a manner which will be woefully rued (and gleefully discussed) the next day.

Even though the list above is pretty much the boilerplate for virtually all black tie fund raisers, it is not settled upon before an entire year of agonizing, planning, multiple tastings of possible menu items (lamb, wild boar, and fish are duly presented by the caterer, pronounced delicious by the menu committee members, then rejected as too risky for such a large group) has led up to it.

Don't get me wrong, I love traditions and I enjoy going to these fancy shmancy dinners.  But it seems to me that somebody could develop a Gala App that would allow planners to simply drag icons into time slots and plan a party on their smart phone in under ten minutes.  But then none of the committees would have anything to do and the ball chair would be deemed lazy and lacking vision.  So we continue performing the identical process year after year, fervently convinced that this time, it's going to be dazzlingly different.

Isn't that what psychiatrists say is the definition of insanity?

Tricked and Treated

Pure Chocolate Evil

I feel like I should somehow retaliate against Hershey's for originating the very idea of "fun size bars" sold in huge bags for Halloween distribution to Pooh Bears, Zombies, Fairy Princesses, and Spidermen.  They look so innocuous in their wee little wrappers, slyly tempting you to have one because, honestly, how much harm can one tiny treat do to you?

The impossible challenge, my friends,  is maintaining the vow of eating just one.  My willpower of steel can withstand onslaughts by pushy waiters and well-meaning friends who unsuccessfully try to persuade me to try some dessert.  You can hand me a slice of cake at my own birthday party and I will set it down untouched when no one is looking.  I haven't eaten ice cream or cookie dough since I was in my twenties.  It is not that I don't like sweets, but I come from the Midwest where most people end up shaped like potatoes and long ago I swore I'd never be known by the nickname of Spud.

Yesterday, after working with a couple of managers on social media strategies for our restaurant Nicola's, one of them handed me a little bag of fun size treats from Hershey's.  I accepted it graciously, knowing how much my assistant Betty would enjoy it when I got back to my office.  Imagine my astonishment when I exited the freeway and saw six fun size wrappers on the car seat next to me, greedily licked clean.



Ooky and Spooky

I had a vague memory of popping a tiny Heath Bar in my mouth, followed by a somewhat grotesque, Halloween themed, bright orange Kit Kat bar.  I don't know where the rest of the candy went but I am assuming from the evidence that I must have wolfed 'em all down in the amnesiatic state of a sugar-induced coma.  If you follow this blog with any regularity you know I compulsively journal my daily ingested food (targeting 2,000 calories) and regular workouts to keep myself in check.  (Even with all that I'm considerably more Kelsey Grammer than Joe Manganiello.)  I did some research on line and then forced myself to enter the nearly 600 empty and for the most part non-memorable calories into fitday.com.  That's usually dinner and a glass of wine for me. Ugh.

Click the Link for the Recipe If You Dare

So I can't go back, only forward with a renewed sense of purpose and a sacred oath that those little bars of badness shall never pass through these lips again. Cake, pie, doughnuts, candy, and  Hershey's S'Mores Toffee Almond Bars (for real, you'll gain three pounds by just reading the recipe) are all completely verboten for now and forever more.

In the restaurant industry, it is a constant battle to keep the bulge at bay.  But I strive to do so because it is very important to me and my health that I remain "fun-sized" myself.