Black Tie Blue Print



Puttin' On The Ritz

 Last Saturday night we attended a black tie charity function that was really fun.  I know some people look forward to donning  A tuxedo, studded shirt, and shiny shoes about as much as a trip to the dentist, but I kind of like it.  It's fun getting all gussied up and seeing your friends and acquaintances decked out in their versions of finery while sipping champagne and chatting about art, commerce, and each other.

That being said, I realized amidst the revelry how much alike these gala events always are.  Being in the food business, I've worked about the same number of black tie events as I have attended, and have been on both sides of the planning table--sometimes as a caterer and sometimes as a committee member.  And here's the deal:  Every year the ball chair wants to make his or her event the most special, memorable, unique, and talked about in the history of their organization.  And every year the event is exactly the same as the one the year before.

The general outline is as follows:

1. Early VIP Reception and Photo Opps with Key Note Speaker for those who gave the most money. 
2. One Hour Cocktail Reception with (very few) passed hors d'oeuvres (just-one-bite sized so no drops in the decolletage or crumbles in the cummerbund) during a Silent Auction of art, furniture, trips, home and personal services, and designer dog beds. 
3. Many calls to dinner, usually with chimes, that become increasingly strident as the guests continue to linger and converse and refuse to sit down. 
4. Pre-set first course (Tossed Green Salad with Lavosh and some kind of novel inclusion like Pomegranate Seeds or Goat Cheese with Spiced Pecans) and the Pouring of the (donated) Wines. 
5. An Introduction of an Award Recipient by the Gala Chairs, followed by shout outs to the major donors. (See item 1). 
6. A Four-ounce Filet Mignon cooked medium, paired with either a) Chilean Sea Bass or b) Two Grilled Prawns, alongside a) Asparagus or b) Haricots Verts, with a) Potatoes Dauphinoise or b) Herbed Risotto. 
7. Some kind of Chocolate Dessert.  (For years it was Molten Lava Cake but thankfully that fad finally cooled).
8. Seemingly endless Live Auction of Luxury Items which are completely out of price range for everyone except for the 1% in the room (Item 1 redux).
9. Stirring Key Note Address.
10. Staggered Silent Auction Closing times along with Drinks and Dancing.
11. An unexpectedly drunken reveler or two misbehaving in a manner which will be woefully rued (and gleefully discussed) the next day.

Even though the list above is pretty much the boilerplate for virtually all black tie fund raisers, it is not settled upon before an entire year of agonizing, planning, multiple tastings of possible menu items (lamb, wild boar, and fish are duly presented by the caterer, pronounced delicious by the menu committee members, then rejected as too risky for such a large group) has led up to it.

Don't get me wrong, I love traditions and I enjoy going to these fancy shmancy dinners.  But it seems to me that somebody could develop a Gala App that would allow planners to simply drag icons into time slots and plan a party on their smart phone in under ten minutes.  But then none of the committees would have anything to do and the ball chair would be deemed lazy and lacking vision.  So we continue performing the identical process year after year, fervently convinced that this time, it's going to be dazzlingly different.

Isn't that what psychiatrists say is the definition of insanity?